GF/GD Survey Analysis 3/3
Participants will be referred to by pseudonyms, in this case arbitrarily chosen vegetable names (along with fruits for girlfags). Those who selected 'Permission Granted!' when originally taking the survey will provide the only excerpts presented here and the privacy of those who did not check that box has been respected. Each section will include some excerpts for illustrative purposes, which is not nearly all of the information that was provided - I have tried to select the most informative quotes and presented as many varying perspectives, while highlighting common ground, as possible. Note that this post only includes the guydyke responses. Discussion of common themes and insights would be very much appreciated. Again, thanks to everyone *so much* for participating!
It should be also be noted that respondent Dragonfruit marked themselves as both a girlfag and a guydyke as well, so their responses are included here as well as in Part 2. Some guydykes (as with girlfags) are trans and/or genderqueer, as you will be able to tell from some of these responses - thereby doing away with the notion of strictly 'biological' male (guydyke) or female (girlfag) being part of the definition for these terms! Also note that not all of the respondents covered in this group answered all the questions possible.
1) Have you had any experiences of gender identity disorder / gender dysphoria or felt pressure to conform to gender roles?
Cauliflower: Nearly all men and women (especially heterosexual women interested in me) expect a normal male identitiy and so I am confusing them by my gender role. Sometimes I feel a pressure to fit in my expected role, sometimes they just confused.
Celery: Yes. As a teenager particularly. Most people assumed that I was a gay male because I didn't / don't behave as a heterosexual male "should". At such a young age I wanted to belong and couldn't work out what was "wrong" with me, so I felt a great deal of pressure to conform to the straight male gender role.
Dragonfruit: Yes to all three.
Radish: I feel uncomfortable with my body around the time I'm on my period. I tend to notice and focus on the feminine side of myself during that time of the month and it's difficult to sweep it under the rug. However, I can usually push it out of my mind on normal days and just be who I want to be - a person who doesn't allow a pronoun or a definition to be plastered to my face.
Carrot: I have felt very out of place in the transgender community because I identify as gender fluid. Almost a daily occurrence that I don't question whether I'm really "trans enough" for various medical interventions.
Parsley: Despite the fact that I have a schlong swinging between my legs, I never really self-identified as a male. Nor as a female, though I do enjoy looking pretty. Whenever people online or such ask for my gender, my response is 'Well, I have a dick, soooo....' and just trail off and let them conclude for me. My group of friends is very varied, but sometimes I feel like there's just too much testosterone/masculinity flowing around.
Taro: Some minor gender dysphoria related to physical appearance/biological sex but predominantly an unease with prescribed gender roles.
Celery: A strong military / utilitarian look. Also, a little bit "dandy" on occasion.
Cauliflower: It's nearly all in black. I tend to (go with) a soft androgynous look with skin-tight clothes such as muscleshirts, string shirts but i also wear leather trousers in typical metal style with roomy t-shirts. Accessories reach from studded belts, bangles, collars and chains (used as bangles) to silver attire such as dragons, reverse crosses. But i also use oranaments more often used by females then males. my haristyle reaches from a typically metalhead (I am one!) to a really feminine look. Some days I look like a die hard metalhead. Somedays I look really gay and gay man feeling attracted to me. Somedays I tend to a androgynous gothicstyle or seldon I look something like trans. A interesting combination of all styles is also in use.
I'm often confusing people with my kind of clothing. In most cases they tend to overlook my queerness and identify me as a rocker or a metalhead or seldon a goth. But queer people often recognize my queerness.
Dragonfruit: Women's: Dresses, heels, trenches, bracelets, necklaces, make-up etc Mens: suits, dress shoes, casual, watches, cuff-links
Radish: Men's clothing: usually comfortable, loose fitting jeans. Vests and ties. Silly t-shirts. My main goal is comfort.
Parsley: I enjoy wearing tight clothing, and tee or sweater or jacket or flannel or whatever on top of my undergarments.
Taro: Neutral - most comfortable in hoodies, skate shoes, jeans etc. Would feel uncomfortable in anything archetypically male or female.
3) Are you comfortable in the body you were born with? Why or why not?
Cauliflower: In most cases I am feeling comfortable. Why? I like my body! But sometimes, especially when having sex with someone, I have the need for a feminine body. I see myself more as a feminine person with a boyish look so my male body doesn't bother me. But in body intensive actions (having sex, then someone is attracted in me...) I often wish he/she could see me as the woman I really am! In most cases it's okay for me being in a male body, but I absolutely need someone who can view me as a person with a feminine gender.
Celery: Yes, it feels very comfortable but not totally natural.
Dragonfruit: Many times I am, Many times I am not. I have penis envy for one. I often wonder what its like to be male. (would it be easier for me socially?physically?spiritually?)Then I wonder if I was born in the wrong body. But I also enjoy being female. And many times I feel as if I am neither or both.
Radish: It depends on what day you catch me on. Today I might be fine, but tomorrow I might want to stay under the covers and hide my face, voice and breasts from the world. It isn't that I am ashamed of these things. I am just not proud of them. I'm not comfortable being put into one, restricted box because of the fact that these are the things that are giving me away.
Carrot: I'm fairly happy with my male body that was assigned to me at birth, but there are times where I wish I could change small things on my body such as my broad shoulders. There are other times where im totally jealous of what cis girls get to do. With these exceptions my male body affords me with the ability to be comfy and dress in 2 mins or less!
Parsley: I suppose I am? I don't particularly feel uncomfortable with my genitals or body shape. I mean, I'm not happy that my belly is a couple inches too large, but I don't really see it as a problem. It just is that way.
Taro: While most of my gender discomfort comes from social roles/perceptions, I am aware that this stems from assumptions made on my physical appearance. I am "comfortable" with my body for the most part, but if there was a magic machine that could turn it female I wouldn't even need to hesitate.
4) I feel the sexiest when I...
Cauliflower: Put on my feminine style clothing/androygnous look and someone is attracted to me, I get compliments. In most cases I am feeling sexy, then woman break out of their gender role because of my clothing or my personal behavior. In that case I nearly get stoned by that feeling! ;)
Celery: Get treated as just another dyke.
Radish: Get called a gentleman (& when I dress up in vintage clothing!)
5) Would you consider yourself: naturally masculine and/or naturally feminine and/or naturally androgynous in appearance? Do you dress to complement or detract from this?
Cauliflower: Naturally feminine with a strong tendency to an androgynous appearance. Yeah, I'm a femme playing butch! ;) Sounds like a joke? But that's it! And I love it!
Celery: I look like a feminine male or a butch female, but I would rather been seen as the later. I think my mode of dress and the way in which I carry myself is in keeping with this.
Dragonfruit: I've never come to a conclusion on my physical appearance. I love wearing both "men's" and "women's" clothing. But socially (due to location,peers, and occasionally family) I'm often (not always) limited to "feminine" clothing. Which, isn't necessarily the worse thing that can happen to me.
Radish: Naturally masculine, but slightly feminine. I have the hips and small breasts, but I also have a large amount of facial hair on my chin and jawline. I also have a pair of light sideburns, but I don't shave them (at all) compared to an every day basis for the rest of my fact. I don't have a mustache though! I end up wearing loose clothing not with the goal to hide some of my body parts (although it can be a plus), but I do it to be comfortable/relaxed instead. I can't stand tight/the majority of women's clothing because it feels like I can't breathe or move at all!
Parsley: I have a penis and hair on my body, and am physically unmistakably masculine. Facially, I'm not quite androgynous, but neither overtly masculine. I like to wear clothes that make me look more androgynous, too.
Taro: Naturally masculine in appearance. I wear some clothing that complements this but am uncomfortable with doing so.
6) How do you express your gender and/or sexuality in your community?
Cauliflower: In all situations: gestures, while dating...there's no situation I dont express myself as a queer person. In most cases its being overlooked by heterosexual persons, i.e. in sports then we're doing pushups and trainer says "males on fists, females as they want" I do normal pushups.
Celery: So far, just by being honest and open to as many people as I can regarding my sexual identity. I'd like to do more but there seems to be very little else I can do.
Dragonfruit: I've attended glbtq rights protests. I never use "f-g(got/y)". I hate the usage of "gay" as a negative adjective. I often spend whatever time I have on the internet looking for communities of individuals who're similar to me or at least can help me explain my sexuality/gender better.
Radish: I am the person in my class who will always bring up queer or transgender issues. I write papers and do research on my community whenever I get the opportunity because nobody else is willing to talk about it. I feel it is a small way to help educate my peers, even if it's stating a random fact or giving a formal presentation to the class.
Carrot: Mainly in trying to push the envelope of society in clothing/mannerisms etc
Parsley: I don't, really. I mean, I'd like to, but the Gay-Straight Alliance at my school meets on Thursdays, and as much as I'd love to attend, I have other matters to attend to. I'm most likely going to sign up for classes on sexuality in college.
Taro: Attend trans support group. Becoming more involved an comfortable with "queer" spaces.
7) How do you express your gender and/or sexuality on-line?
Cauliflower: Writing erotica, participating in forums or sometimes blogs...
Celery: I would like to, but there seems to be a huge lack of knowledge and virtually no "community" in regards to lesbian identified males.
Dragonfruit: I'll tell people what I know about myself so far, i.e I'm confused.
Radish: Most of my online activities involve some type of LGBTQ aspect. I believe blogs and sites such as Livejournal and Tumblr have really helped me gain some insight into the sub-communities of LGBTQ people. I try to absorb as much information as humanly possible, because I like to repeat everything I learn. I also believe these online communities have guided me on a [gender/sexuality] journey that would be very difficult to navigate alone.
Parsley: I follow queer-related blogs on Tumblr, I join all the FB events, sometimes I go about posting in forums if the cause is worthy enough. I try not to express myself too much, though.
Taro: Following YouTube channels on genderqueer/trans issues.
8) Notes on 'coming out' / acceptance
Cauliflower: Mother: as a guydyke she accepted it, but thought it was her fault by growing up without a male person in my direct behavior. After being outed as nearly transsexual and after explaining that i was born that way, she fully accepted it.
father: accepted but shocked (especially because I am bisexual!). Best friends: accepted it My transsexual boyfriend (female born): just like me! He loves it.
Celery: My friends and family knew I was an XY-DYKE before I did, and I'm grateful to them for letting me in on the secret.
Dragonfruit: I feel that coming out is an EXTREMELY personal action. That there's probably no reason to ever force someone out. You have to be ready, you should know any benefits or consequences that may come with it. It's your right to stay in or come out. Personally, I haven't come out to my family or friends yet. I probably will eventually to my friends but my family I am not too sure about.
Radish: Coming out is hard, but it is also a necessary step. I believe coming out to yourself is a difficult process, but it can be much worse when it comes to family or friends. At least you know your own reaction to your own coming out, but it is the unexpected reaction of family/friends that is most worrisome. When I turned 18, I found that I reached a point where I needed to tell my parents I liked girls. I knew what their reaction would be down to the smallest details, but I did it anyway. I regret it today, but I am also relieved that I have not lied to them for the past 4 years. Coming out as genderqueer will be another story, and I'm not so sure I want to share this part of my identity with my parents after their first reaction.
Parsley: I don't know what the deuce I am, but as far as the casual observer of my non-online life can see, I'm just an average straight guy - some quirks here and there, but nothing overt. I don't really feel either masculine or feminine though there are circumstances that make me feel one or the other sometimes. As for attraction, I'm not particularly sexually attracted to either male or female bodies, but I do get attracted to the bodies of people who I find mentally and romantically attractive - one follows the other. From what I've researched, that's more or less demisexuality - a form of asexualism where one does not feel primary sexual attraction but does feel secondary/tertiary sexual attraction.
9) Preferences in sex and/or gender/s and/orientation/s of partner
ANALYSIS: Common responses were overwhelmingly queer / lesbian females, bisexual people of any gender, and pansexual people of any gender. Other responses included androgynous women, girlfags, other guydykes, transmen, and genderqueer people.
10) Preferences in the body of partner
ANALYSIS: Common descriptors for preference in female partners included curves, feminine features, softness, average or tall height, and tomboyishness. Male partner descriptors - femininity, softness, and womanly body elements (i.e. curvy hips). A couple respondents noted that what they found attracted varied depending on the person considered.
11) Preferences in fashion of partner
ANALYSIS: For preference in female partners: Crossdressing, alternative style (goth, metal, punk), masculine elements. Male partner fashion was not specified clearly. Other descriptors included: neutral, "not girly", and cultivation of unique style.
12) Preferences in personality traits, talents, and/or hobbies of partner
ANALYSIS: Dominance, strength, humor, and intelligence were mentioned near-universally. Other descriptors included: creative, sensitive, empathic, body aware, love of arts and music, nerdy, geeky, academic, and outdoorsy.
13) Preferences in touching, and any body part and hair fetishization or kinks
ANALYSIS: Kissing, licking, biting, and dominant attributes (i.e. wrestling, spanking) were frequently mentioned. Others included: cunnilingus, rubbing, hair pulling, psychological BDSM play, and pegging.
14) Preferences in sexual orientation and situation / theme of subject/s (in erotica)
ANALYSIS: Solo female masturbation and vaginal penetration were frequently mentioned. Others included: tribadism, "shemale on shemale", forced feminization, dominant women, butch women, strap-on sex, fingering, and bondage.
15) Common sources of fantasy?
ANALYSIS: Common sources mentioned included: one's partner, one's imagination, erotic art, fanfiction / fetish literature, erotic photography, erotic comics, porn magazines, and on-line videos.
16) Describe your preferences in sexual activity with a partner/s, however you wish.
ANALYSIS: Being in a female role and giving oral sex almost universally mentioned. Others included: sex ("PIV" and anal), touching, frottage, holding, mutual oral, mutual masturbation, and showering with partner.
17) How do you express "romance"?
Cauliflower: To lie in someones arms, feel being loved by someone.
Celery: As desire, physical, emotional and intellectual. That almost painful feeling of longing and wanting on all three levels.