GF/GD Survey Analysis 2/3
It's finally here! Please note that an analysis of guydyke responses and responses from any girlfag/guydyke admirers or partners will appear in the next part. See also Part 1 for statistics from overall respondents and some background info.
Participants will be referred to by pseudonyms, in this case arbitrarily chosen fruit names because I thought that would be the most innocuous. Those who selected 'Permission Granted!' when originally taking the survey will provide the only excerpts presented here and the privacy of those who did not check that box has been respected. Each section will include some excerpts for illustrative purposes, which is not nearly all of the information that was provided - I have tried to select the most informative quotes and presented as many varying perspectives, while highlighting common ground, as possible. Note that this post only includes the girlfag responses. Discussion of common themes and insights would be very much appreciated. Thank you all again so much for participating - it's been amazing to see how much shared interests and viewpoints we have, as well as how individual preferences and experiences differ.
Thematic common ground and differences will be highlighted regarding each long paragraph response box...I've tried to sort out common themes in the survey responses from girlfags, not agreed upon by all, but certain topics that came up a fair bit became apparent.
1) Have you had any experiences of gender identity disorder / gender dysphoria or felt pressure to conform to gender roles?
Mulberry: Not really, never was the "typical" girl in all parts of my life, but I usually never felt pressure to fit in completely if I didn't want. Although I sometimes wish I could be a gay man (or gay trans*man), I never really felt pressure from society - just when some people think you have to be trans to feel gay-male as a girl...
Pear: "GID, I don't know. But I'm afraid of the pressure to conform to female gender roles as I grow older."
Blueberry: "I never did conform to gender roles very much, I am clearly identified by (other) people as female, which will make them confused/surprised sometimes."
Pecan: "No. Has been asked 'who wears the pants' in my marriage - answer: both of us."
Jujube: "At times I'm very disappointed about not being born male, but am very aware that being a feminine or androgynous looking male is less socially accepted and more difficult than being a non-feminine female...The society I live in is accepting of non-feminine females, but I still feel something is missing in my life. I often have a male body in dreams and those dreams make me very happy."
Persimmon: "Everyday I feel a bit more far away from cis-gendered, straight world. So in brief: yes."
Lychee: -Yes, although behaviour/interests/brain are extremely feminine, I feel intrinsically "not female".
Pomegranate: "Yes, I feel like sometimes parts of my body (mainly my breasts) shouldn't be there. I have encountered trans people though who try to pressure me into going on hormones and completely changing my gender in order to fit the gender binary. And of course plenty on both sides who do not want me to transition at all and to just become comfortable with and learn to accept my body they way it developed. "
---Sub-topics addressed in responses the above question:---
Attraction and gender presentation :
Raspberry: "When I'm making out with a boy, I'm only turned on if I'm pretending to be a boy...I think I might be a bi/pansexual man in a woman's body, but I'm not sure, so I call myself genderqueer."
Jujube: "Born female but always felt androgynous or like a fey feminine male. Would definitely like to be male, but not a big masculine male. I know I would not live up to the masculine male stereotype but I also do not fit into the feminine female stereotype. I have considered a female to male transgender lifestyle but I feel it won't fit well, since I don't want to be a masculine male but a fey male. So for now I'm "hiding out" in a female body."
Guava: "I've never questioned my female gender identity, but have always felt an identification with gay/bisexual men."
Yuzu: "Ever since I can remember, I've wished I was born as the opposite sex. At many points in my life I tried very hard to appreciate my body and feel and act "feminine", so
that people would appreciate me as a person. I don't understand most of the female population, and at times feel a bit misogynistic, shamefully. While I've never fully believed in the concept of
being transgender, I do get a strong feeling that I probably share that label. As I've grown, it's become more significant, especially since the only time I feel comfortable with my sexuality is
when I imagine myself as a male. The idea of me, as a female, being intimate with another human being makes me feel uneasy, there's just this massive block I have. But with both genders, I feel
happy and confident as a male."
Peach: "Girls who look like boys turn me on, as do boys who look like girls...I am a very recent bisexual, as I have only really just come out to myself. I would love to try a relationship with a boy, girl, inbetween, both, it doesn't really matter to me as I don't see gender boundaries when I find someone attractive, or we get on really well."
Lychee: "I have put pressure on *myself* to conform to what i think of as a "proper girl" but i often feel like a male-female transsexual or in drag somehow/like a bio queen. I *want* to be a girl, but I'm not one. And i don't really want to be one either. Confusing contraction i know! I haven't figured it out yet. Maybe i just want to be seen as a boy who looks and acts like a girl but still *isn't* a girl... I'd rather be seen as a feminine guy than a butch girl."
Style / binding:
Lime: "When I get stressed out, I tend to bind more. It's a way of control, I guess. Because I can control how others see me (ie, not as a sex object)."
Peach: "Dresses are about my limit, usually I will go with the Ellen Page look...i.e. jeans and a t shirt. I have been considering binding, although if I were to try it properly, I would buy a compression shirt, as bandages do NOT work on my chest. I have also been toying with the idea of cutting my hair short."
Lychee: " I like being a boy in drag. I feel like that is the closest thing to *me*. I do not wish to wear masculine clothes although i've tried it."
Blueberry: "I have "bound" my breasts up till about the age of 23, where I sort gave up and started wearing sports bras."
Childhood & school:
Raspberry: "When I was little, I sometimes wanted everyone to think I was a boy (though I didn't really want to be a boy) and other times I'd be the first to grab the prettiest princess dress, depending on the situation."
Citron: There was a time when I was interested in parkour, but was a little embarrassed of it because i did not know of many other girls who would like to learn or practice with me, just guys really. I wrote a couple stories of turning into one of my guy classmates or dressing as a guy and doing parkour, just to blend in easier or not have people stare at me in a weird way because I'm this girl running around and climbing on stuff. I also felt a little awkward that some guys would say "That's really hot."
Honeydew: I'm a girl...and I feel like a girl, and I am happy to be a girl. But I've never conformed to "girl" stereotypes. I beat all the boys in my elementary school classes in arm wrestling, played "bloody knuckles" in middle school, and slid into home base playing kickball the day after heavy rain. I am a scientist, and I don't understand why these things DON'T describe "girly" behaviors.
Papaya: "Ever since I was young, my mother always accepted me for who I was, whether I identified as straight, bisexual, or lesbian. However, when I was 12 or 13, I began questioning what I truly wanted out of my sexuality. I remember asking her if girls (or boys for that matter) changed their gender to men/women so they could be homosexual (girlfags/guydykes), she outright told me no; no one would EVER do that. So I shoved the idea to the back of my mind. Here, 7 years later, I'm questioning my true sexuality, and while I'm happy as a lesbian, my true desire is to be a gay man. Now I know I'm not alone, either!"
Feeling "in-between" / otherness:
Peach: "But - and I don't know whether you guys get this - I don't want to lose my feminity completely. I want to be somewhere inbetween."
Lychee: In all-female groups, I feel "other". In relation to other females I feel "other". I think i first felt this when i was about 12 or 13. I feel like i must have been born a boy. An extremely effeminate boy though.
Blueberry: I had (and to an extent still do) issues with the female part of my body...I hate the fact that my body "rebels" against me by menstruating. I am horrified by the though that I have the ability to get pregnant.
Almond: I've never really felt like I should be seen as a man. I enjoy being a woman and wearing more feminine clothes, but when it comes to actual sex I feel like I have a phantom penis almost. Like a phantom limb or something.
ANALYSIS: There seems to be a split amongst girlfags about comfort with dressing femininely vs. dressing masculinely, although androgyny is common and dislike of heels is *nearly* universal! Playing with both feminine and masculine clothing styles, experience with buying clothes from the mens' section, and/or preference for unisex clothing is also common.
Strawberry: Androgynous / glammy clothes and style, make-up (eyeliner, glittery eyeshadow), light Gothic-Lolita (lace, gothic platforms) and Mod (skinny ties, thin suit jackets)...I have never worn high-heels, still don't wear a bra, and used to have an aversion to pretty much anything fashion-wise that could be considered "girly", and even resisted carrying a purse for a long time, but at some point I realized I was often attracted to guys who dressed androgynously or guys in bands wearing make-up, crossdressing, etc. Not only was I attracted to them, but I almost felt like they represented what I felt like, or would like to be, in some way.
Raspberry: I dress in very feminine clothes because that's pretty and it's expected that I'll dress that way. It's comfortable to follow the beaten path but I feel most like myself when I'm wearing androgynous clothes (shabby, slightly oversized blazers, old jeans) and when I've bound my breasts.
Pear: I dress within the normally accepted scope for females. But no makeup or high heels or other feminine components. I also wear dresses and skirts but more like the uniform kind. Otherwise just jeans and shirts.
Pomelo: Can easily pick out male clothes to wear, has trouble picking out female clothes. Hates dresses, skirts, tights, make-up, heels. Would rather wear suits, ties, pants.
Peach: Jeans/shorts, a t shirt with some sort of detail or design on it, I go with comfortable rather than overtly stylish; dresses and overly revealing clothing make me exceptionally shy and uncomfortable in social situations. Rarely wear high heels, no piercings, rarely wear makeup.
Clementine: Some days I dress like a boy, Some days I dress like a girl. Most of my clothes are kind of alternative.
Pineapple: I always wear black clothes, sometimes combined with violet or pink. You can describe my style as something between emo, gothic and visual kei...and my only inspiration are boys.
Citron: "I would like to firmly state that I am not a "cross dresser." I don't know why, but something about that term just sets me off. It's almost never used in good context when describing people when I hear it. One meaning for the word cross is also angry, and when I dress how I want I am definitely not angrily-dressed, and in fact I can be quite happy dressed in guyish clothes so I am not a CROSS dresser. It also makes it sound like I'm dressing across to the other side of my gender when in truth my gender is here there everywhere or whatever and not stuck in one place like a lot of people may assume."
Jujube: I generally dress unisex, jeans and t shirt, and if I could choose without social repercussions, I would prefer male clothes. Over the years I have become more comfortable wearing feminine clothes, but only started wearing bra and high heels the last year. When I do dress very feminine I feel like a man in drag. I once was invited to a costume store that had hand made 18th century clothes. I wanted to try on the male clothes much more than the large dresses, as it would feel wrong to wear such overly feminine garb. The few photos that exist where I look more male or androgynous are those I'm most happy with.
Persimmon: Lately a bit more genderbending/masculine, until about a year ago super-feminine with occasional neutrality. On certain days I still totally love dresses and high heels (though feeling a little bit of crossdresser in them, too), but I wish I could rock the indie-boy/androgynous look. Clothes are a way of expressing myself, I'm just not sure what's the message I'd like to be sending.
Tomato: I dress in a bohemian kind of way. It is usually quite feminine with skirts and chunky jewelry, but sort of gypsy-like with a lot of layers and materials. Sometime I like to dress like 'a man' - I really like ties and vests. In general I care a lot about how I dress and I like to play with different identities.
Lychee: ...Make-up for special occasions, interviews, when i want to feel extra-attractive. I also kind of "fetishize" putting make-up on. Style usually very girly - tights, high-heels, dresses etc. I also like wearing tight jeans and tight t-shirts which i think of as my "gay boy" clothes. I prefer to dress androgynously really but I think because of my slight build and being 5'1" I look better "en femme". I would like to dress in a more androgynous way but I feel like I can't really pull it off in a way that would make me feel and look good.
Plum: I usually dress in guy clothes, usually girl pants with straight legs that could pass as guy pants. Sometimes I don't care and just dress girly. Never skirts or dresses, never make-up unless I'm forced to. Don't pluck my eyebrows either, but I shave what's expected of a girl to shave. I bind my boobs the majority of the time with a chest binder, but when I feel indifferent to them I just have a sports bra since that works almost just as well. My hair is cut above my ears. In general I think I look like a guy or androgynous (either look is fine for me), but people still see a girl.
Apricot: Mostly traditonally feminine as in dresses and lace and stuff, but never jewellery or high heels. Some days are quite masculine, I do wear a tie sometimes.
Blueberry: Physically I'm on the tall side for a female, I'm broader in build, I have long dark hair (though I've had times I just cut my hair short), I think my face is androgynous, but I have female curves.
Orange: Tomboyish style, baggy jeans, t-shirts, hoodies... Practical and comfortable, but I do try to still look stylish. I have plenty of feminine clothing as well, but during the past 3 years or so I've started to just feel uncomfortable wearing them. I feel kind of ridiculous wearing skirts etc. Not sure why.
Mulberry: Mix of sporty and classy-elegant style. But always feminine. love dresses, blazers, skirts...
Lime: Usually feminine or feminine-neutral shirts, skinny jeans. When I wear dresses/skirts, I like to bind. It's a small rebellion. And as of now, I have no male clothes. :(
Lemon: I mostly dress in casual jeans-and-T-shirt styles, favoring colorful shirts. My favorite store to buy shirts was a lovely gay men's store in West Hollywood -- until it closed. I never NEVER wear dresses unless I'm in costume (performing in a show or other unusual special circumstance). I would never wear a dress to work.
Banana: Always trousers, neutral shirts and polos in dark blue, green, black, white, grey colours but female shirts as well. also jewelry, hats. but NO heels. Short hair (not longer than shoulder).
Honeydew: I'll admit it. I shop in the guys' section sometimes. I like the t-shirts with witty sayings on them. They're funny, and they're usually made out of better material. Girl clothes are thin and revealing. I also enjoy wearing watches because I feel confident- something about them makes me feel nerdy and smart. And masculine.
3) Are you comfortable in the body you were born with? Why or why not?
ANALYSIS: The desire to want to try what it's like being a guy physically (even temporarily) or be able to switch between physical forms was extremely common.
Raspberry: No, I frequently want to be a man. I'm totally in love with gay culture and gays, and I can't participate because I'm a girl...I also just kind of feel more like a guy, but I'm kind of grossed out by penises and I know that all the girls I'm attracted to are queer so I'd still face the same predicament in a male body. I wish I had a magic wand that I could use to change my gender depending on the situation. I'd be a guy most of the time."
Strawberry: I'm occasionally bothered by my boobs being there and think I would prefer having a cock...I wouldn't get surgery I don't think because sometimes I think if I was born as a guy I would want to have breast implants!
Currant: " was not for awhile and thought about surgery. Then I realized that I didn't actually feel like a man OR a woman, so why go to all the expense and trouble to put myself into different body which I STILL wouldn't be 100% comfortable with. Now I am at peace with the body I am in, as I don't feel that I would be any happier in a male body.
Peach: I am comfortable with my personality and identity (not including gender identity), but I am frequently 'grossed out' by my female genitals, whilst still loving my breasts. I often wish I had a penis, and breasts.
Dragonfruit: Many times I am, Many times I am not. I have penis envy for one. I often wonder what its like to be male. (would it be easier for me socially?physically?spiritually?)Then I wonder if I was born in the wrong body. But I also enjoy being female. And many times I feel as if I am neither or both.
Blueberry: It very much varies. I have times where I just want to have a breast reduction and have my uterus removed - then again, I can be at peace, or even enjoy reaction of men to my (feminine) body.
Pear: Yes, except for when I was going through puberty. Now I've got used to it. I don't have body dysphoria but I DO want a male body very much to match with my desire and personality.
Orange: Yes and no. My dream come true would be to be able to switch genders at will. I'm comfortable in my female body, but I have phases when I really wish I'd been born as a guy because I feel I would probably feel exactly the same as a man; I'd be comfortable in the body but sometimes wish I could be a girl for a day or two.
Clementine: I like my girl body. It is a nice girl body. Sometimes I wish I had a penis, but I love my vagina too so I don't think I will ever have bottom surgery or anything like that. I will just have to make do with packers and strap-ons. I feel the same way about my boobs. I love them but some days I wish I could take them off for the day.
Olive: Most of the time. Whenever I am in a phase of fantasizing about sex with gay men, I desperately want to be a man though.
Pomelo: Kind of. I would greatly prefer to be a male. If there was anyway I could transform fully into a male I would do it. I'm not particularly happy with my female body, but it doesn't kill me either. I mean its a body, its mine, and there's nothing I can do about it. I've accepted that.
Lemon: I'm OK in my female body, though a male body would have been nice.
Jujube: Not fully comfortable, but happy about some things. I'm very glad I don't have an overly feminine body with large breasts and hips, which would have been hellish. I'm tall and thin which conforms to the fey male I feel like. I would have loved to magically wake up with no breasts, better muscle definition and male genitalia, though. Then I would have looked exactly like I feel.
Guava: Yes, although I have always been very interested in understanding how it would feel to be male.
Banana: No, I would like to be a boy...and a little thinner...on the other hand: I dont know if I (would be) happy with a penis instead of female body.... think I'd like both.
Pecan: Yes. I am a girl, look like a girl, feel like a girl, but sometimes wish I had that magic button to turn me into a guy - so that I could nail the hot gays.
Hazelnut: Yes and no. I often wish I had been born male, but at the same time, I don't feel out of place or wrong in my female body.
Rhubarb: For the most part, I am comfortable in my body. I do wish I was thinner and smaller-breasted, as my curves currently very clearly mark me as female. I also often worry that my body makes me a greater target for misogyny and discrimination, which often makes me wish I didn't inhabit it.
4) I feel the sexiest when I...
Jujube: ... think of myself as a young feminine male. I dislike being viewed as a feminine female by males.
Satsuma: ...think of myself as a gay man.
Coconut: Think of myself as a skinny, feminine male... Lots of attention from the others.
Plum: Looking like a badass dyke (like a tough woman who will kick your ass), or a when I actually pass as a guy. When I look like a punk guy, all cool and confident, not a chick, then that's the best time for me.
Orange: The ultimate sexy self-image would be to have short, smart hair and a tuxedo jacket with a stylish buttoned shirt underneath. I love going out and dressing as a guy/very gender neutral, it makes me feel like I can conquer the world...
Lemon: I'm wearing gay male stuff -- flamboyant shirts and black jeans or maybe a leather outfit for Folsom. If a gay or bi man flirts with me then, I'm in heaven!!!
Hazelnut: Fantasize about doing sexual things as a male, with other males. Occasionally with females, but that's rare.
Tomato: When someone is attracted to me for exatly what I am, and not what they want me to be. I feel the sexiest when all norms and conventions are set aside and the attraction is just natural, inevitable and label-free. When I can just be and just feel.
Pomelo: Imagine what I would look like as male, some boy compliments me or ask me out.
Blueberry: When I look good, am having fun, and feel confident about myself. I like compliments - but looking in a mirror and saying "Well, I look hot!" is more important.
Pear: I feel sexiest when I imagine myself being the girl whom I'm sexually attracted to. No I don't actually want to be her or to be treated by a partner as if I were her. I don't feel sexy at all when I realize I'm female. I just want to experience her conscious, have her body as HER. I also feel sexy when I imagine myself being a passive gay boy. But this time, I'd like to become him myself, fully!
Orange: The ultimate sexy self-image would be to have short, smart hair and a tuxedo jacket with a stylish buttoned shirt underneath. I love going out and dressing as a guy/very gender neutral, it makes me feel like I can conquer the world, haha.
5) Would you consider yourself: naturally masculine and/or naturally feminine and/or naturally androgynous in appearance? Do you dress to complement or detract from this?
ANALYSIS: Many respondents felt that they were naturally feminine or naturally androgynous, but regardless dressed more androgynously overall.
Raspberry: I naturally appear very feminine, I dress to complement this because that's what's expected of me, but I'd feel more comfortable dressing to detract from it.
Blueberry: My face is more or less feminine. My body is feminine but also evidently female. I dress in clothes that suits my body, more leaning towards androgyny.
Peach: I have a feminine appearance. I love dressing up as a boy, though, and sometimes feel completely comfortable in that style. I tend to wear clothes that while complimenting my figure, hide my body.
Apricot: I'd say naturally androgynous. Then clothes and appearance can change that from day to day.
Lemon: My face and body do appear rather clearly feminine. However, in my head I am sometimes genderless, sometimes gay male, sometimes other. I dress as a tomboy in general, and for special occasions will wear stuff that's more clearly gay-male-identified.
Kiwi: Naturally feminine. I always dress to complement this.
Jujube: Naturally androgynous. In my twenties I dressed to complement that, to the confusion of some people. Now I dress more femininely as I feel that is expected of me and garners more respect. Formal business wear for women is slightly androgynous or masculine, which I like and wear.
Guava: Naturally feminine. Mostly dress to complement, but occasionally to detract.
Honeydew: I'm naturally feminine. I have curves in all the right places. But my dress detracts from this. I think overall I have a very sex-negative perspective, so that may be part of it. But deep down, regardless of how someone feels about sex, I think everybody wants to be loved- right?
Persimmon: I don't know. Maybe feminine, but in a flamboyant, giggly gay boy kind of way. I'm still not sure what comes out naturally, depends on the day.
6) How do you express your gender and/or sexuality in your community?
Peach: I am a straight female to almost all who know me. The environment I live in would make it almost impossible to take up an andronygous appearance, or express any outward attraction to females. Although I do very much emphasize my attraction to gay males, and tend to 'fall' for the camp ones.
Pear: I tell my friends that I'm a gay man trapped in woman's body. I reject straight guys.
Cherry: Watching gay movies, reading gay books, generally a strong interest to gay-related things
Mulberry: I'm just who I am. I don't express it in other ways than other, I guess. But sometimes on pride parades or things like this, I feel like "my inner fag comes out" and I'd love to be flamboyant like - don't know - Emmett Honeycutt would be. I'm active against homophobia and I don't make it a secret that I like m/m-stuff. But it's hard for me to talk about being a "Girlfag" offline
Persimmon: I try to be gender-positive and sex-positive, supporting LGBTQ-rights when saying my opinions aloud etc. in conversations, but besides I'm not expressing my queer identity that much. I would like to, though, I'm just being too shy/new to this/afraid of other people's reactions.
Dragonfruit: I've attended glbtq rights protests. I never use "f-g(got/y)". I hate the usage of "gay" as a negative adjective. I often spend whatever time I have on the internet looking for communities of individuals who're similar to me or at least can help me explain my sexuality/gender better.
Almond: I am now a Women's Studies major at college, and I am looking into a masters in gender studies. I've always loved learning about this stuff. I belong to a feminist group and we do some activist things, but that's not really about sexuality. I wanted to get involved with the pride student union at my school, but a lot of them are annoying.
Currant: Activism, education... I don't know... just being me and letting people see that I'm not some weird freak so maybe other people like me aren't!
Cinnamon: I don't give any reason to ask questions about my gender, because I am a woman and I feel like one. If someone asks (about) my sexuality, I say I don't know yet and I am open for everything.
Mango: In dating, reading on sexuality and gender issues, commenting on questionable or sexist, lgbtiq-fobic views to my acquaintances from time to time.
7) How do you express your gender and/or sexuality on-line?
ANALYSIS: There was much discussion by respondents here of reading and writing gay male-centric erotica, looking at and drawing erotic m/m art, roleplaying of men, going by male or genderless screen-names, blogging about gender and sexuality, activism about LGBTQ issues, and being generally more open about gender and sexuality on-line than off.
Plum: I'm active in many LGBT communities/blogs/whatever, other places focused on gender. Wherever I go, my profile will let you know I'm not a girl.
Blueberry: I consume a lot of erotica - more so even when I was younger. I read & write slash. I've had a *lot* of cybersex in my younger years, experimenting with people with different orientation, kinks, preferences...
Coconut: I play as a gay male on one website, I read fanfictions on yaoi and other things of the sort.
Strawberry: I have a Tumblr where I post NSFW pictures of gay men, write and publish slash fanfic, participate in gender and sexuality related discussions, and I'm definitely more open on-line about identifying as a girlfag / genderqueer than I am "irl", perhaps because this is where I first found out about the possibility to identify in such a way. Though, I've found that my openness on-line has slowly transferred to when I talk to people in-person about it
Raspberry: I'm slowly easing into being myself on forums, but it's painfully hard and I'm afraid that other people will hate me. I'm especially afraid that transgender people with scorn me for not being sure about my gender identity and that gay men will hate me for being a girlfag and that all gays will hate me because I'm bi/pan.
8) Notes on 'coming out' / acceptance
ANALYSIS: A very mixed response here. Many respondents had not told their families about how they identified for fear of how they might respond or thinking that it wasn't their business to know, some have been open with a variety of people in their circle and have had positive and/or negative reactions.
Strawberry: Some of my family and friends and my partner know that I largely identify as a gay guy. I only tell who I think would be respectful / would need to know for some reason. In high school, some people had the impression I was a lesbian despite the fact that I had pictures of male celebrities all over my binder, but I wasn't quite sure how I identified then just yet (though I was in the early process of figuring out).
Peach: I haven't come out at all to my family. There is one friend IRL with whom I've talked about my possible preferences, in confidence. To be honest, if I tried to say I was a 'girlfag' to anyone I know, they would think I was taking the piss, or that I was just going through a phase.
Plum: Family doesn't know, may/may not ever tell them. As for the public, in high school, everyone thought I was a lesbian, and I have no idea why, probably because I never showed interest in the guys at my school (or for girls). Ironically, I didn't start looking androgynous/genderless til college, but I'd felt that way for a long time. My hair as down to my ass, and yet I'm a dyke to them. Same thing for when I start new jobs.
Persimmon: To some friends I have said that I'm a gay boy in woman's body, although always semi-jokingly,so that they can always take it as a joke, not as anything to be too serious about. I guess most people take me as a straight woman who just is advocate for gay rights for some reason and can't ever find a boyfriend for some even more mysterious reason.
Lychee: Haven't really come out because am afraid people will just think i'm a bit weird/confused/insane. My boyfriend does know i identify as a girlfag but he's the only one. I think he accepts it but thinks i'm silly.
Coconut: I RARELY say anything to one of my best friends. I dare not say anything to anyone. They will possibly not accept me.
Pomegranate: Hard to explain genderqueer to those who have never heard of transgender and don't understand that. So I normally start by saying I'm changing gender and then once they adjust to that, then I explain that I'm stopping half-way and not finishing transition.
Apricot: I despise the term! The concept of coming out is ridiculous. When you come out of the closet, what do you come into? When did you tell your parents that you're straight? I hope the whole consept will become unnessecary.
9) Preferences in sex and/or gender/s and/orientation/s of partner
ANALYSIS: Common responses in this short answer box were overwhelmingly gay, bi, or pansexual men, with some also specifying those who are polyamorous, feminine, masculine, metrosexual, androgynous, drag queens, trans, genderqueer, or flamboyant. Other responses included: straight men, gay/bi/pan women, androgynous women, genderqueer women, non-binaries, and other girlfags.
10) Preferences in the body of partner
ANALYSIS: For preference in male partners "slender", "feminine", and "androgynous" were very common descriptors. Mention of twinks, cross-dressing, preference for curly or full / "floppy" hair, very little body hair, tallness, fullness of lips, "boyishness" medium build, and moderate muscle definition were also frequent. For preference in female partners, androgyny, small breasts, short hair, curves, and butch/femme were often mentioned.
11) Preferences in fashion of partner
ANALYSIS: For preference in male partners: androgynous, tightness of jeans, cross-dressing, "geek chic", clean / sharp / metrosexual, ties, dandy, "normal" / casual, emo / hipster / scene, unique sense of style, feminine accessories (make-up, nail polish), and flamboyant were some common descriptors. Some respondents stated explicitly that they were not comfortable at all with men dressing in womens' clothes or wearing make-up and so forth, whereas others were. For preference in female partners: feminine, androgynous, and tomboy.
12) Preferences in personality traits, talents, and/or hobbies of partner
ANALYSIS: Sensitivity, intelligence, humor, and creativity were mentioned near-universally, likely as these are desirable attributes common across gender and orientation lines. Other common descriptors were: open-mindedness, being dominant or submissive (though dominant was more common, though some specified a mix of both / "switch"), enjoyment of music, having common ground, being polyamorous, accepting of LGBTQ identities and issues, geekiness, kinky, and queer.
13) Preferences in touching, and any body part and hair fetishization or kinks
ANALYSIS: Kissing, cuddling, massage, and ass-fetishizaation (especially spanking) were very frequently mentioned. Others included: bulges, handjobs, blowjobs, BDSM (or, more rarely, opposition to it; sometimes "light" BDSM is specified), roughness or gentleness. A mixed bag overall though, apart from the first items mentioned. The interests here, broadly, were very similar to those represented in modern gay erotica.
14) Preferences in sexual orientation and situation / theme of subject/s (in erotica)
ANALYSIS: Gay men specified almost universally, with masturbation, anal penetration, and oral sex common items. Others included: twinks, transgirls, threesomes (all men or two men and one woman were the most common), rough / fast sex, frottage, women using strap-ons, and sex involving toys.
15) Common sources of fantasy?
ANALYSIS: Common sources mentioned included: one's own imagination (particularly imagining oneself with a penis), Livejournal (especially slash fanfiction communities), erotic literature, yaoi, hentai, writing / roleplaying in the context of a gay male relationship, Tumblrs / other types of blogs with erotic gay male images, porn sites (GayTube, XNXX, Redtube), one's partner, fictional characters, celebrities. It is worthwhile noting that many respondents noted that they made-up characters in their head, sometimes derived from a composite of men they find attractive, and fantasized about their imaginings; many found this practice somehow odd, but based on the frequency of this response, it certainly is not uncommon!
16) Describe your preferences in sexual activity with a partner/s, however you wish.
ANALYSIS: Giving and/or receiving oral sex was mentioned by nearly all respondents (though desire to give was more frequent than to receive). Other frequent preferences expressed: desire to be dominant (or to be dominated), using a strap-on, playing with "toys", being on top (whether penetrated vaginally or anally), desire for threesome (or moresome!) with multiple men, watching partner engage in sexual activity with another man, mutual masturbation, shower sex, ass fingering or rimming
17) How do you express "romance"?
ANALYSIS: Being affectionate through cuddling, kisses, gift-giving, emphasis on both physical and emotional connection were very common, as well as a surprising frequency of those who felt they were not very romantic.
Lemon: As a polyamorous person I tend to feel different levels (or styles) of "romance" for each different person I date. These levels vary from extremely romantic to casual romance-free connections.
Jujube: I'm not an overly romantic person, not in the flower and cards sense. I have dated guys that were more feminine in the romantic aspects. I like being caring and considerate but frills and candles I can do without.
Lychee: I'm probably not very romantic! I prefer giving flowers to receiving them. I like to do things that feminize my partner in the way I compliment him that he has "pretty eyes", etc.
Citron: I draw the people I like.. It really shows that they're in my head. It's how I can tell I like someone too. How much I like them is in fact directly proportional to how often I draw them, draw me with them, and how good they look when I draw them. Because this guy I like, he bugged the shit out of me at first, so I drew him kind of ugly/dorky, but as time went I on I drew him cuter and nicer looking, and the funny thing is, I think he is starting to look better in real life, like he's been working out or something. It's the weirdest thing, but kind of cool.
Blueberry: Em, I'm not sure on how to answer that! I hate "prescribed romance". Watching romantic comedies approaches torture for me. By I do love romance that comes out of unexpected, spontaneous moments in a couple. And I like to surprise my partner with doing/giving them something nice - especially if they're the kind of person to appreciate it.
Honeydew: I think romance is respect. Right now I'm dating this guy, and it's hard to explain to him that compliments and paying for my meals is actually NOT at all sexy to me (he complies begrudgingly). Which, to be fair, I feel like I'm disrespecting his wishes by NOT following societal guidelines.
Coconut: I try as best as I can to make my partner happy.
Kiwi: I don't feel that romance is relevant to me.